When Resentment Changes Responsibility

2012 was a year of abrupt and major change.

  • Lawrence and I opened up sweatlocal.
  • 24 hours later Lawrence lost his job.
  • I got notice that my teacher certification had expired (so no backup plan.)
  • I went from stay at home mom and “hobby trainer” with all the time in the world to full time business owner.

The ripple effects of that shift continued to shake our family well into 2013 and 2014.

Financially “starting over” is no joke.

 

In fact, it didn’t really feel like starting over… b/c when Lawrence and I first began our life together we had zero kids, no mortgage, no day care costs, no car payments, and most importantly…

 

NO STANDARD OF LIVING.

Right?!?!  We were like fresh out of college life!  We were young, wild, free and without much expectation of what this world “owed” us.

 

Our peers were beginning their lives and careers as well.

 

We were all in the same boat together.

 

By 2012 that was not the case.

 

As we were “losing it all” my friends were renovating kitchens, adding square footage to their homes, buying boats and second homes.

 

I, on the other hand, was visiting the bank weekly draining our savings to make sure we didn’t lose a home and kept food on the table.

 

Listening to my friends’ “problems” about whether to put dark or light slabs of granite on their new kitchen islands was so utterly out of my league I spent a good 12 months avoiding every possible outing I could.

 

I just COULDN’T relate!

 

It’s like when you have a baby and your friends are bitching about how tired they are because they stayed up too late drinking at the bar…

 

Their all “I’m so tired and sleep deprived!”

 

Meanwhile you’ve breastfed an infant 3 times through the night for the past 6 months so you just want to slap your girlfriends in the face b/c they actually HAVE NOT A CLUE what sleep deprivation really feels like.

 

Same with counter tops!

 

You don’t to rain on their home dreams parade but really… Is that what we’re calling a problem these days?

 

Granite?

 

So for a long time I sat RESENTFUL of what I was going through.

 

And let me be clear… what I struggled with is child’s play in comparison to what others have gone through and are dealing with today.

 

I by NO MEANS want to give the impression that my suffering has much grandeur at all.

 

What I want to highlight is that MY PERCEPTION of my friends and my circumstance was exaggerated by MY INSECURITIES and MY LIFE LENSE.

 

My perception of them was a

REFLECTION OF ME… not them!

 

Full on Ownership.

Full on Responsibility.

It was in these 12 months that I realized how much of my personal SELF WORTH was wrapped up in my bank account, car, kitchen, house, vacations.

 

I felt ashamed, unworthy, annoyed, and angry not because ANYONE ELSE was making me feel that way.

 

I MADE MYSELF FEEL THAT WAY.

DAMN IT!  Here I was believing I was really “a simple sort of girl” just because we lived within our means… without credit card debt, I didn’t buy expensive purses or spend lots of money getting my hair done.

 

Yet, when life threw me a curve ball and took away COMFORTS and LUXURIES (I felt entitled to) I wanted to hide… to retreat.

In other words…

 

I didn’t want others to see me

if I wasn’t at my best!

I was not so humble a person after all.

HARD PILL TO SWALLOW.

But I did.  And truth be told… I needed it because before 2012, I just couldn’t see that I was existing simply to enjoy all the things this world offered me instead of ENJOYING ALL THE THINGS I COULD OFFER THIS WORLD!

 

Right?

 

Okay… so I can’t enjoy square footage in a house, a brand new kitchen, a new car, a week to Disney.

 

There’s no six pack, tiny waist, perfect marriage, or angelic kids to envy here either!

But aren’t I (and aren’t we ALL) so much more than all those tangibles?

 

  • That’s when I threw myself headfirst into sweatlocal.
  • That’s when I started writing honest and blunt emails.
  • That’s when I showed up on social media as plain ‘ol regular me.
  • That’s when I started being transparent about food and exercise struggles in my blogs.
  • Hell… that’s when I started cussing again.  LOL!!!

It was a lightbulb year …

1.  where I took #radicalresponsibility for my thoughts and actions (check out Jill Coleman for more on this!)

2.  showed up #imperfectAF and let the chips fall wherever they may

3.  and learned to be grateful for the #unpinterestable parts of my life and body.

As it turns out learning to be authentic AT MY WORST, gave me more happiness and value than I ever imagined.

I know that life’s roller coaster is not done with me yet and there’s plenty of obstacles that will come way in the future.
Shit… if they are anything like 2012-2014, I’m in for some falls, spills, and sucker punches.
It’s going to suck.  Of that, I’m certain.
Not looking forward to it… but here’s the thing… next go around I know I’m not trapped.

I may not be in charge of my circumstances, but I am 100% responsible for how I conquer them.  

With all of that super personal and vulnerable info, you should know that this post is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

For anyone ready to descend themselves into some major mindset shifts like the ones above, I’m finishing up a 7 week, 7 minute journaling email series focusing on the 7 Deadly Sins of Fitness (and actually everything)…

 

Yup… Gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth, and the super juicy envy and wrath.  How are they showing up and making you feel worse about your body, how you eat, what you eat, how you judge yourself, others, the bigness/smallness of your body?

 

I’ll be sharing with you my own personal stories and questions to uncover and yes… absolutely to TRIGGER your own worst struggles and turn them into positive shifts.

 

This email series is NOT for everyone btw… there are no free meal plans or free workouts involved.

 

This is all about head space… sitting in your worst… in the hopes of getting to your best.  Join here FREE!  

 

Everything begins Monday, June 5th and every Monday til July 17th you’ll get 1 email and 1 journaling exercise to flip your inner script.

Are You Addicted to False Progress? – That 600 calorie diet says you are.

Our fascination with the scale is broken.

Or better said… it has broken us.

On a regular basis this machine inspires moods and actions filled with anxiety, despair, hatred, disgust, and impatience.  The very last thing we think about when we consider weight is that it’s simply the force on an object due to gravity.  And so even though we understand scales to be tools fit to equip our science labs, at home we’ve warped them into the equivalent of a fancy 8 ball that determines the quality of our day, disposition, and diet.

Continue reading “Are You Addicted to False Progress? – That 600 calorie diet says you are.”

10 Holiday Food Rules (that you don’t eat like a rabbit or kill your bikini dreams)

Pet Peeve:  I am going to start my diet AFTER ___________ (insert any holiday of the year.)

Have you looked at a calendar lately?

There’s a candy/food holiday or celebration AT LEAST once per month.

Add in birthdays, showers, weddings, sporting event celebrations, GNO, vacations, and work events and you are LUCKY to ever find even just 10 days worth of uninterrupted  “just workin’ on my abs over here” time to focus.

Why are we trying to figure things out by EXCLUDING the obviously IMPORTANT and REOCCURRING holidays that add some fun and flavor to our lives?

We are doing ourselves a MAJOR disservice on #shredmode by trying to lose weight and NOT figure out how to incorporate celebrations WITH OUR FITNESS GOALS!!!!!

Since Easter is right around the corner (and then Cinco de Mayo, and then Mother’s Day) I wanted to provide 10 super fast and actionable tips that will help set you up for big time success 365.

(1) Eat as normally as possible until the actual holiday event –

Continue reading “10 Holiday Food Rules (that you don’t eat like a rabbit or kill your bikini dreams)”

4 (politically incorrect) reasons I effin’ CRAVE exercise

I don’t want to talk about being healthy.

I mean … yes… healthy is great and it’s important, but can we pull back the curtain for a sec?

Can we talk about some of the juicer things that aren’t “proper” for us to say out loud that actually motivate us to not just go though the motions and say we worked out, but do things like:

  • rearrange our day and not miss the gym
  • sleep in our workout clothes so we won’t hit snooze at 5 a.m.
  • use our lunch hour for exercise instead of eating
  • book a babysitter on a random weeknight rather than miss a training session.

If I’m being transparent, WELLNESS, by itself, is NOT a big enough driving force to make me exercise the way that I do!

Continue reading “4 (politically incorrect) reasons I effin’ CRAVE exercise”

“Chunking” Your Food Goals…

Let’s talk about your free time these days.  If you’re like most people, I’m guessing you’re all, “What’s that?”

Most of us feel incredibly stretched thin in our personal and professional lives so the idea of “finding time” to add stuff like exercise or eating better creates more stress.

And I know this time of year, not making headway with food and exercise goals can feel extra frustrating so I want to offer you a tool you can begin implementing right this second that’s going to reduce stress and help you find loads of time you were once just wasting.

 

Have you heard of “chunking?”

Chunking is simply organizing a set of tasks by location, time, or by another common ground.  It’s most commonly discussed as a productivity tool because it’s dedicated to reducing the amount of time lost through transitions and interruptions.

I love chunking as a way to learn new food habits because chunking is famous for MAXIMIZING FOCUS!!

If there is one thing that people mismanage for habit change it’s spreading their focus THIN.

By design, chunking breaks down big tasks into small bite sized pieces that more easily lead to consistent action.

Chunking your TIME:

For fat loss I recommend all my Diet Rebellion folks and Sweat fam to spend 12 hours fueled and 12 hours fasted.

In other words if you eat dinner at about 7:30pm then you will want to eat breakfast roughly 12 hours after that, 7:30 a.m.  All other meals, however many you want/need to eat, fit inside of that window of time.

For example:

  1.  Break down the 12 hours fueled by 4 chunks (could be 3 or could be 6… you know your day better than me!)
    1. 7:30- 10:30
    2. 10:30- 1:30
    3. 1:30- 4:30
    4. 4:30- 7:30
  2. Take A.I.M. (Ask, Identify, Manage) one chunk at a time.
    1. Ask:  What is required of me between those specific hours?
    2. Identify:  Where will I be? Who will I be with? What specific constraints may I encounter?  As it stands, can my breakfast alone see me through until my next chunk of time, etc…
    3. Manage:  Based on your answers and your EXPERIENCE to the questions above you respond accordingly.

Identifying patterns and problems:

The most common chunk of time I see identified as an issue is chunk 3… 1:30-4:30.  This chunk of time is often when I see folks try to “make it til dinner” which sets them up for one giant binge eating session or one large continuous meal from 4:30-7:30pm.

The calorie overload is huge at the end of the day.

If you can identify this pattern then:

  •  Are you taking A.I.M on this specific time frame?  In other words, permission to spend EXTRA FOCUS on the problem.  Your whole day may not need your attention!!!  Hone in and put all your problem solving energy in ONE place.

or

  • Are you reflecting on what’s happening or not happening in chunk 1 and 2?  Are you implementing tons of will power early in the day?  Are you under eating and ending up crazy hungry?  Maybe chunk 3 is a problem because chunk 1 and 2 aren’t setting you up for success.

One of the things I love when introducing this strategy is that a “bad” food decision or a decision that goes against your intention or goal is isolated within a specific time frame.

You are less likely to feel like you “might as well throw in the towel”  for the day because of a misstep.  Your next chunk of time is a win in and of itself… just like your mistake is a totally manageable complication that can get handled and practiced and perfected the next day.

The Outcome:

Let’s get one thing straight.

YOU are not the problem.

YOU do not lack motivation.

YOU are not weak.

Habit change is about STRATEGY!!!  How do you get yourself to do the thing you know you have to do??

Outcomes are about tapping into our psychology, finding the path of least resistance, and organizing our plan of attack into something we can manage vs something that manages us.

I’ll be sending extra details on chunking to my Sweat Unfiltered crew tomorrow.  If you want in, join the list right here:

 

What’s the BEST Workout Plan?

“Jeidi, I can only come 3 (or 4 or 5) days a week.  What classes should I take?”

“Should I do more cardio?”

“Do I need to lift more?”

These questions are LAYERED which means there can be no cookie cutter answer.  However, I’m afraid folks are asking this question because they think if they don’t do something by the book then it’s going to be a total waste of time.

That would be a shame and I actually think it’s a giant obstacle for folks who want to get started, but haven’t pulled the trigger yet.

So I want to take you through 5 follow up questions I ask to get people to answer the questions above ON THEIR OWN.

At the end of this blog post, you’ll have a much clearer picture of what classes you should take or what your workout plan should look like.

Ready?

Continue reading “What’s the BEST Workout Plan?”

The Fat Loss Pyramid – Are you putting your time where it counts?

Fat loss, shredding, dieting down, losing weight… call it what you want it’s a major topic of interest as summer nears.

And let’s just lay all our cards out on the table… 99.9% of us are in the market to lose weight this time of year cause we want to look as sexy as we can in our summer clothes and bathing suits.

I have ZERO problem with the vanity side of fitness.

Yup… it’s cool to run faster, lift more, have more energy, but there is no shame in the game of loving the fitness journey to be HOT!

And yes… a gigantic part of that journey is a mental one… and I’ve blogged about that TONS… but today, I don’t want to chat psychology (or hormones).

I want to RESHAPE your food pyramid

SO THAT YOU GET RESULTS!!!!

 

Meet your FAT LOSS PYRAMID!

Continue reading “The Fat Loss Pyramid – Are you putting your time where it counts?”

Getting Gritty from the Inside Out

     This is a story I shared a few years back inside of my newsletter, Sweat Unfiltered.  Once a week, I’ll email my best tips, tricks, and insights into diet, nutrition, and mindset.
.
     This was one of those epic emails that struck a chord because while the details are unique to me, we ALL have that story that literally changed us from the inside out…
 .
How sweatlocal came to life is mine.
Last week, I purposefully left this 3rd life altering moment out of my newsletter, in part because the story of how sweatlocal came to life is completely different from the other two moments I described earlier.

Continue reading “Getting Gritty from the Inside Out”

Optimism is RAD!

I wholeheartedly believe in the GOODNESS of people.

In fact, my personal and business decisions are grounded on this very premise.

In other words, I CHOOSE to play out my life on OFFENSE, ready to score points, instead of defense where the best I can hope for is the PREVENTION of others scoring on me and the once in a blue moon defensive interception that results in a touchdown.

When I hear people criticize optimism as a viable mode of operating and responding to the every day obstacles of life, they use words like “head in the clouds” or “refusal to see reality.”

But here’s what the nay sayers aren’t understanding…

By choosing optimism, I am not negating the existence of negativity.  

I stand in FULL RECOGNITION that there are a million bad things that may and can happen if I don’t create walls and barriers and spend my time and energy catching the lone wolf trying to take advantage of me.

I know the big bad wolf is in the forest.

I simply don’t focus on the wolf.

Let me put it to you this way…

which farmer is happier and more successful…

a.  the one spending time, money, and effort fertilizing his garden or

b.  the one pulling weeds all day?

Which has a bigger harvest at the end of the season?

The answer is crystal clear.

The farmer on offense… not the one on defense in a pile of weeds.

So if you find yourself in a pessimistic rut, a few suggestions on how to RETRAIN your brain to stop looking for the wolf, to stop picking weeds all damn day, to focus on the goodness that is in this world instead of what is lacking.

  • BE AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS – Seriously though… take a day, hell even an hour and give all the emotions you feel a name.  Do you find yourself using words like joy, challenged, interest, gratitude or more often than not are you miserable, stressed, bored, thankless.  That’s on you.  That’s your lense.  That’s your focus.  You are responsible for your perspective so use your POWER and create a new filter.
With that said, there are some  professions that require us to catch mistakes constantly.  Accountants and lawyers are prime examples.  I point this out so that we stay mindful that some of us have to guard ourselves extra carefully so that we don’t bring our work perspective into our personal life.  You cannot enter into your personal relationships and home life constantly looking for flaws and mistakes!  
  • LIFT OTHERS UP – Yup… give yourself the “silly” little task of complimenting 3 random people every day.  As ridiculous as this might sounds, this little exercise MAKES you focus on seeing the positive side of people.  And seriously… it takes 3 seconds, it makes someone else’s day better, and it costs you NOTHING.  What the hell are you waiting for?  Go out and be ridiculously kind.  Feed your soul!!!
  • And finally, ASK YOURSELF THESE 3 QUESTIONS when things aren’t going your way:
    • Is this forever?
    • Is this normal?
    • Is this personal?

Positive psychology tells us that those who learn to answer these questions recognizing that what’s not going right is likely TEMPORARY, UNCOMMON, and EXTERNAL and are better equipped to bounce back and conquer.

In other words if you have trained yourself to interpret struggle as catastrophic, you’re going to have a helluva time turning things around.  The strongest are those who can take the negative and deflate it’s importance by seeing it as a brief and remote annoyance.

There is no doubt that optimism is a conscious choice and a daily practice.

You will have your good days, as well as, your bad ones.  But, as you become more aware of the emotions you entertain daily, the vocabulary you use to describe others, and the headspace by which you tackle conflict… Optimism becomes second nature.

 

Holy smokes… and the freedom of that is worth every effort you make to get yourself there.

The friends you make and opportunities created on offense far out weigh anything you were guarding against from the big bad wolf.

Water your garden.

Big fat middle finger to the weeds.

Optimism is RAD!!!

#sweatlocal

 

10 Unconventional Fitness Ideas Our Kids Need

When I first got curious about fitness, I’d read, absorb, and implement every single piece of literature, post, article and to-do list out there.

Every day there appeared a new “do this every day,” “never eat that” or “amazing superfood discovery” that made it feel IMPERATIVE and even detrimental to my body if not incorporated immediately.

Before long I found myself with a laundry list of RULES.

  1.  Protein at every meal was not enough… lean protein only.  Will get fat and have a heart attack otherwise.
  2.  Dairy made me absorb less fat with food so if I eat nuts, I should have it with milk or yogurt.
  3.  But damn it, dairy is apparently full of harmful things so only buy organic, hormone free, and limit it to one serving daily.  Skip it on days where I don’t eat a lot of fat.
  4.  Sugar is from the devil so never eat cookies, brownies, and really candy of any kind.  It’s a sign of weakness if you do.  Honey and agave nectar appear to be superior forms of sugar so maybe once in a blue moon drizzle this over oatmeal.
  5.  Bread is for people who don’t really care about their health.  I mean with all the best selling books and viral articles circulating around, how could one argue otherwise.
  6. Vegetables are important but the color of the vegetable will determine my success.  Pretty sure I need to avoid anything that doesn’t make the super food list.  That’s just seems safer.
  7. There are to be “No excuses” for missing workouts so sleep and REST is for the weak minded. Clearly this is not something I am so I just need to do more and try harder.

I could go on and on and on… but you get the picture.

Fitness and wellness DOMINATED my life.

Because of that, I found going out of town or eating with friends HIGHLY STRESSFUL.  I had to have everything in a clearly laid out schedule.  I could NOT miss my workout session no matter what.

At every event, I needed to know what was being served, when, and if it didn’t appear to suit my bazillion rules, well by golly, I could not possibly let my precious earned muscle go to waste or my lean zero-fat belly blimp up in a matter of an evening.

I’d eat before or pack tupperware.

Or when even more desperate… I’d pack canned tuna in my purse in case there were no suitable proteins to eat.  Pizza?  Poison!!

I’d excuse myself to go to the bathroom and down the can AFAP and try to discreetly walk out to hide the smelly can in my car.

I knew what I was doing was weird… but hell I was COMMITTED.  If everyone else wanted to be fit as much as me they’d realize all of their mistakes!

And because of that, fitness wore me the F*#K out.  I was depleted… physically and mentally.  No amount of EFFORT was ever ENOUGH.  I could always do more.

Until finally my baby girl noticed my obsession and it hurt my heart.  DEEPLY.  So much so it literally sent me on a new journey.

I was living OPPOSITE to what I wanted for both my kids and that had to change.  Monkey see.  Monkey do.

Lord… I did not want them doing what I was doing!!!!!

So I decided MY life had to be a LIVING EXAMPLE of HAPPY and HEALTHY which meant I was no longer going to allow any book, article, or post to  create rules that made me feel dirty, unworthy, stupid, or lazy.

Fitness is not allowed to change me or my kids serving me FEAR AND SHAME disguised with information.

And so I’ve made a list of the 10 things I find myself constantly preaching against at home… and even at Sweat Fitness Studio as well.

They represent my core values… as a woman who overcame food and exercise obsession, as a personal trainer who finds herself in contact w/ men and woman battling unattainable demands, and as a mom who wants her kids to enjoy fitness without feeling like there is anything wrong with them right now… as is!

And by all means, feel free to add to the conversation!  I am not afraid to defend any of these points and I would also love to hear the things that you are battling with as well.

FITNESS IS NOT ALLOWED TO TELL US…

  1. Food is earned – We’re not dogs dancing for treats.  If you treat food like a trophy earned you’ll find yourself doing “more tricks” for more food.  More mileage, more classes, more burpees, more reps.  I can’t have this or that because I didn’t do this or that.
  2. It defines us – You offer this world so much more than just your body.   It is not your job to make this world happy with your body.
  3. Smaller is better – Nope… sorry.  The pursuit of smaller didn’t make me happier.  Size is not a measure of happiness.  Gotta love the now before you love the future.
  4. Rest is weak – Rest triggers progress.  Wanna lift more… rest more between sets.  Wanna run faster… rest longer between laps.  Wanna curve your cupcake craving… sleep in an extra hour mid week instead of coming to class.  Wanna break a plateau… stop dropping more calories and add rest.  Watch your body give back.
  5. No pain, No gain – There’s good pain.  There’s bad pain.  One burns… the other strings.  If it stings… it’s your body kindly asking for you to stop or to rest.  It only asks nicely a few times before it snaps.  LISTEN!
  6. 6 packs are normal – Okay so yeah… the fact that Lady Gaga’s “gut” stirred up such a frenzy of haters is alarming.  It’s obvious she works out, has her nutrition on point more often than not, and has put time and effort into her overall health.  The absence of a 6 pack is not an indication of poor health nor something to hide.  Our bodies are allowed to fold, move, and jiggle with us!
  7. Villainize food groups – There is no such thing as a bad food or a good food.  Any food can take on that adjective.  It’s about how you view it and use it that puts it into particular categories.  Candy is not inherently bad.  Candy eaten all day, every day… that’s bad news.
  8. It comes with a guarantee – If it comes w/ a guarantee it’s a gimmick or a fad.  Our bodies are too complex for anyone to simplify into a one way formula w/ a golden guarantee sticker on the label.  Change takes time, effort, problem solving skills, failure, re-tries, get back ups, tweaking.  Fitness, like life, is neither linear nor fair.  Get used to it now… it makes the journey flow so much easier.
  9. More is more – like basic economics there is a point of diminishing returns.  Your body will stop responding positively.  Your work load does not automatically translate to equal returns.
  10. One way – the best way to move is the way that you enjoy and are most likely to return to most often.  Sure… there are the details to worry about but if you hate it… it will never stick.  Your way is the best way first.

FITNESS is supposed to be an ENRICHMENT of who we already are.  If you find that your journey is taking parts of you away, PERMISSION TO PIVOT… PERMISSION TO CHANGE COURSES… PERMISSION TO BE A RULE BREAKER.

When I look back at the complexity of my former fitness life and the paper thin layer of skin and fat that it “rewarded” me with, I want no parts of it and I want my kids to have a role model that preaches and teaches and champions a different way.

To my mommas and daddy’s reading this, I want to take inventory of the things you do and say and FEEL about your body.

Would you want your daughter, your son, repeating this?

Monkey see.  Monkey do.

#bethechange